I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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