Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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