I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
