after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
