Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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