just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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