Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
