i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
