i jhust puked up my retainher.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
