i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
