shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
