Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
