they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
