Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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