I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Did I show you my penis last night?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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