woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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