Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
