The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
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hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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