my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize