the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
