i dedicated my morning wood to you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
