You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize