I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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