I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
