hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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