I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
