some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
