Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
