Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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