I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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