it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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