We're like a lot better than the average bears
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
