stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
