HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
