Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
