I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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