i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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