I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think I died a long time ago.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i now understand why vodka
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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