the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize