Jerry, you need to find god
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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