i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
