Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
this just has baby written all over it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
