i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
