I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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