either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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