so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
