please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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