Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
