i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
