had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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