if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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