Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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