So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
