its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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