he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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