If i come over, it means nothing
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
