how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
