...so i touched it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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