Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
