Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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