Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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