Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
