I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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