Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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