My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
