census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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