why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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