dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I touched a dick in church today
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
