Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
