u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
