I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
farters have to be the big spoon...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
