Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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