So drunk its hurt
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
