as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
